KANSAS CITY, Mo. – “I remember calling the police on him because he drug me into a wall,” said Amber.
At the time, Amber was in her twenties and was engaged to her abuser.
“This sounds crazy because I wound up marrying him,” Amber explained.
When she called police, she lied to protect the man who hurt her.
“I think I told them that I was just experiencing allergies or something crazy because I had this massive bloody nose and I was covered in blood,” she said.
The abuse continued for years. Amber was an advocate for women’s rights and safety- this wasn’t supposed to happen to her.
“It isn’t something that was acceptable, and I knew that, but at some point, I thought maybe I provoked him in the argument, or what-not,” Amber recalled.
Why Amber stayed was complicated.
It was a combination of : he was the father of her child, she didn’t want to be seen as a failure, and sometimes the abuse didn’t leave a mark. According to a variety of Twitter posts, people stay for a variety of reasons. Often it’s because of fear.
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence reports 72-percent of all murder-suicides involve an intimate partner- 94-percent of those victims are female.
Amber finally left for her son.
“My son, who wasn’t even two yet, was siting in a high chair, and he was yelling to stop it, or no,” Amber said as she remembered the fight that started to change her mind about staying.
She says seeing social media lighting up with discussions of domestic violence after the Ray Rice video came out is a positive step, but shows the problem is major. She says she wants people to stop throwing blame and judgement and start offering compassion.
“Until you’re in it yourself, you have no right to judge another person,” Amber said.
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE
Rose Brooks Center
Hope House
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